for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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