i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
