I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
