Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
