I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Randomize
