I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You pole danced in your parka.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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