i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
no you cant smoke seaweed
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
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