Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
