when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
