3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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