Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
