youre lurking in front of me
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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