You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
