My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
