I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
do herpes really smell.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
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He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
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The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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