i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
