Apparently you make a good broom.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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