We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
