I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Randomize
