i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
he puts the penis in happiness.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
