my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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