All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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