My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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