dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
you win again, gameday.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
