the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
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