if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
