Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
