Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
