Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
