people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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