he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
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Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
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First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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