drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
