I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
