hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I lost the right to judge tonight
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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