im about as happy as oj after his trial
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Boobs are out for the taking
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Randomize
