Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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