Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I understand Curling. That high.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
