Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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