I faked an abortion last night.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
