I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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