The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
