Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
