That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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