you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
