at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Randomize
