Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
