theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
