chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
