I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Randomize
