I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
