I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
