Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
