We need to rekindle our bromance
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Is Oprah even human
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize