When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
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i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
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When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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