I want you more than these girls want KFC
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
