So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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