You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
