I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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