If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize