So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Sex in the backyard? Check.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
