Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
