my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
