Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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