you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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