If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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