That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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