On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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