new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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