I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize